The Journey to Restoration

As Nicholas turned onto S. Matanzas Ave., he felt the pit of his stomach drop…his forehead and palms began to sweat as his 6’2” frame was filled with the overwhelming emotions of fear and doubt. He had never been this nervous before. Had it really been three years since he had been back to the small town he once called home in Chatham, Illinois? As he drove down the street he began to ask himself, am I stupid for coming back here? Have they even missed me? Their lives have probably been much better without me; if I come back now I will probably just disappoint or hurt them again. Driving towards the house he slowed down, eventually to a stop, as he saw Hannah running out to the mailbox. He had forgotten how beautiful his daughter was; her long blonde hair and pink flowery dress blowing in the wind. Look how big she had gotten, he thought to himself. The last time he saw her she was five. At the sight of Hannah, he forced all the negative thoughts that had been troubling him into the back of his mind. He waited until she went back into the house before he pulled into the driveway. After letting out a long sigh of both excitement and apprehension, Nicholas got out of the car and began to walk towards the front door. With each step his heart began to race faster and faster…reaching its climax as he approached the door. He stood there for a second thinking of what he would say. Would he begin with, I am so sorry forgive me, or how have you been, or maybe just state the fact that he had really missed them. Before he could finish his thought and decide what to say, he was interrupted as the front door flew open. Finally, after all of these years, he was face to face with the people he had both loved and hurt so deeply. Julie, his wife, stood there with a shocked look on her face. Before Nicholas could get any words out Hannah came charging out of the door screaming “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! I have missed you so much.” She jumped into his arms and hugged him for what seemed like a lifetime. Nicholas immediately said, “I love you Hannah. I am so happy to see you. You have gotten so big.” Hannah ecstatically grabbed Nicholas by the hand and lead him inside. Once Julie realized what was going on she gently asked Hannah, “honey, why don’t you go in your room and play so daddy and I can talk.” Hannah looked at Nick hesitantly and he reassured her that he would not be going anywhere. As Julie looked at Nicholas, she was flooded with emotions. Should she be happy that he had come back or should she be mad that he had been gone for so long? She thought the world of Nicholas. She really loved him. He was her best friend. For as long as she could remember, it was just the two of them. It did not come as a shock when they married right out of high school. A few years later, they had Hannah. They were the happiest couple anyone had ever seen, really picture perfect. They loved Jesus, loved each other and loved life…That is until Hannah was three. She got really sick. Nick and Julie were devastated when the discovered that Hannah had leukemia. It was at that moment that Nick changed. He began drinking, lost his job, and simply stated, he fell apart. He had become very angry and bitter with God. He could not understand why a God who is supposedly so “good” would allow something so awful to happen to such a precious little girl. With her husband slowly fading away, Julie had no one to cling to but Jesus. Instead of doubting him, she held fast to his promises and his word. By the time Hannah was five, she had gone into complete remission. Despite the joy of the fact that Hannah was okay, Nick had come to the conclusion that there was no God and if there was a god, he was not good. He had become so bitter that he could not stand to even hear the name of Jesus. Julie would constantly go around telling people of the way that Jesus had saved their baby girl. Nick eventually got so angry that he just left. Never to be heard from until this very day. Julie asked Nick, “Where have you been? I have not heard from you in three years. I had no idea if you were dead or alive. I had no idea where you were!” Nick stood there unsure of what to say, he put his head in his hands and slowly began to explain. He said, “There are no words to express how sorry I am. I am ashamed of the fact that I allowed my pain and anger to override my love and responsibility for you and Hannah. I could just never understand how you could love God after all that had happened…that is until one night, while I was sleeping in the streets, I had a dream. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and I saw Hannah running around and playing. She looked so healthy and happy. As she was playing she grabbed a flower and took it over to man sitting against a tree. She plopped down on his lap as if she had known him forever. She sat the flower in her lap and leaned her head against his chest…while watching this I began to approach them. As I got closer I noticed that Hannah was not as perfect as I had thought before. She had all of the same scars. The man leaned down and kissed her on her head. As I looked at him I recognized who he was. All of these years while I was doubting the healing power and existence of God, Jesus was there in the midst. He was loving on Hannah and taking care of her. I though that God was no where to be found, when in reality he was right here the whole time. When I saw that, I knew that there was a God and that he was good. Despite my weakness and doubt, Jesus was strong. He brought healing to Hannah and I know if you will forgive me and let me back into your life, He can heal us too.” He began to search her face for some kind of answer, hoping that by taking this bold step to come here, she would search her heart and find forgiveness. As much as he had hurt and disappointed her, she had really missed him. She knew him well enough to know that his words were sincere and that he was a changed man. After a brief pause, which seemed like it lasted a lifetime, she said, “At first I was so hurt and angry, but then God really began to instill within me pure love and compassion for you. I have been praying for you faithfully every day. You showing up today was so surreal; it was literally an answer to prayer that I was not expecting. I can see that God has totally changed your heart. Where there was once bitterness is now compassion. And where there was once hatred there is now passion and love. It will not be easy but I will do whatever it takes to rebuild this marriage and this family.” Nick was relieved to know that by humbling himself and admitting his faults and weaknesses to Julie, there was now room for healing and restoration. It would not be a “walk in the park,” but he knew that with the Lord they could get through anything, no matter how difficult the situations may be.