I Will Not Look Back

I Will Not Look Back

The children crying out with shouts of joy.

oh how they run and play

Sometimes I wish I could go back there,

Back to a life without any stresses and worries

then I remember all I have learned

all of the experiences I have been through

all of the wisdom I have gained throughout the years

all leading up to this moment...

I will not look back.

I am right where God wants me.

"For such a time as this"

I hear Him say.

I will not look back

I will keep my eyes fixed straight ahead.

I will keep my eyes locked on His.

I will not sway like the reeds blown in the lake

moving back and forth.

I will not look back.

I will stand tall and strong

Planted and grounded like the big oak trees

With their branches extended toward heaven

In constant surrender

I will not look back

I will not look back

I will not look back

Lake Bonny Park

"I went to Lake Bonny Park for this assignment, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes."

Lake Bonny Park was really nice. At first site, I did not think it had that much to offer, but as I began to walk around and explore I discovered all of its hidden beauty. Not to sound like an awful person, but we all know that this area of Lakeland is not the nicest kept place in the world. I was really impressed with how clean the park was. There was not a lot of trash scattered around (except for in the lake) and it felt like a safe environment. The grass was green and there were a lot of trees and such...it was nice. When I arrived, there was a baseball game going on. It really brought back old memories of when I used to go to the park to play and watch softball and baseball games. The playground looked like a good time. There were some interesting contraptions out there that were not around when I use to play on the playground. It made me miss being a kid...not having any worries and responsibilities...all you had to worry about was having fun.

My favorite place was definitely the board walk. I love water (aka lakes, ponds, oceans, etc.) It was nice to just walk around and look out onto the water. As I spent my quiet time on the water, I really got to sit back and observe the lake and all of its inhabitants. Every once in a while a fish would jump out of the water...falling down with big splash. The wind was really blowing hard. It made ripples on the water. The reeds were blowing in the wind, almost as if they were making music. It was wonderful. I not only got to observe the wildlife but I also got to observe people. I watched how they reacted to their surroundings and to others they were talking with. It was a nice experience!

Mary Oliver is a GENIUS!

I really enjoyed the poems by Mary Oliver. Her diction was brilliant and simply drew me in. The things that she writes about are deep and profound, but you must think in order to fully grasp what she is saying.

The first assigned reading was her poem Messenger. The first thing that really stuck out to me was the title. As I kept reading throughout the poem the meaning of the title became even more clear and intriguing to me. In the poem she asks a series of questions and then stops herself and says, "let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished." I loved this part because I am definitely guilty of asking too many questions instead of just remembering what my purpose is...instead of just sitting back and watching God do his thing. The earth that we live in testifies to God goodness and creativity. If we were to sit back and just observe all of the wonderful things around us...our lives would be so different.

The second Poem by Mary was Walking Home from Oak-Head. I liked this poem because I have never seen snow and it made it sound just magical =)

The third, and my personal favorite, was Six Recognitions of the Lord. This poem is my favorite because it is written along the lines of the way I think. The quote that stole the whole show for me was the very first stanza which says, "I know a lot of fancy words. I tear them from my heart and my tongue. Then I pray." This is so incredibly profound. Too often, Christians get caught up in the the whole religiousity of Christianity. We say prayers with big words so that we appear to be more righteous or holy...big words are not bad...but it is not our fancy words that gain the audience of God, it is the attitude of our heart. When someone first gets saved, their prayers are very simple, and according to some people they may even be improper...but I think that when the Lord hears those prayers, he smiles because he sees the genuineness of that persons heart. As we progress in our spiritual walks, we tend to lose that sensitivity and "realness" that we once had. This quotation convicted me and inspired me to go back to the simple, genuine relationship I once had with Christ.

which is the better person?

Which is a better person--a heart surgeon, missionary, college student, janitor, etc? Answer: how can you answer this question without knowing the person to which the question is referring?...so cool, there is a man who is a missionary....awesome, but that is only what he does, it is NOT who he is. Too often we judge people or call them "good" or "bad" or "successful" or "failures" based on their occupation when in reality it is not their job that defines who they are....as cliche as it sounds, it is who they are on the inside that defines them...who they are when they are all alone, when no one is watching.

In class on Monday we discussed the "Levels of who a person is". I really feel as though just by discussing the different layers of people, I now have a better understanding of how to read those people around me. Professor Corrigan used an example of the earth...1) you have the outer crust which is a persons physical appearance, what they wear, how they talk, etc. 2) the inner self which is the deep subconscious. It is the person that you are; the thoughts, the ideas, beliefs etc. and 3) the core which is who we are. Whether or not one lives his or her life for Jesus, he is still loved by God...no matter what race, religion, background...all are loved and accepted by Jesus....so the core is universal in the fact that all are loved by the almighty God. Professor Corrigan said a very interesting statement...he said that main objective in peoples lives should be to align one, two and three. I feel as though one cannot align his or herself without the help of God. We as humans are so incapable of doing all of the things that it takes to renew our minds, thoughts and ideas of ourselves, others and the world. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to love purely.

When I first read what the "special" blog post was going to be, I was not too ecstatic. I can write for days about what I got from a reading or about what I think about certain situations and topics...but to have to come up with something all on my own, I find that to be a bit more challenging. I do not pride myself on being a really great writer. English was always a difficult subject for me in high school and writing anything seemed like the death of me...so at first I was not too pumped about this short story we were supposed to write. Despite my negative outlook on this "special" blog post, I actually came out of it feeling achieved and excited. I am not going to lie, I surprised myself. I had no idea that I was capable of writing any kind of story...and it turns out that it was possible and my writing actually made sense.

I really liked how Professor Corrigan talked about:

1) how one can begin to read others better when he or she reads character based stories. This may not be true for all, but for me, it is definitely a true statement. As I read stories that discuss different peoples thought processes and feelings (character driven stories), I become more aware of people and the way they are. I begin to pick up on different things about people, like emotions and actions.

2) being vs. doing. I feel as though, in the world that we live in today, doing does outweigh the being. If someone can play basketball really well (doing)....they are gonna go pro even if they lack character/morals (being...who they are). The statement above is not always true but is definitely eminent in our world today. In some places...who the person is is of more importance than the skills that he or she possesses. In my opinion, character should definitely outweigh the gifts and abilities. H. Jackson Brown Jr. said, "Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it, piece by piece -- by thought, choice, courage, and determination." Your gifts take you where only your character can keep you.

The Journey to Restoration

As Nicholas turned onto S. Matanzas Ave., he felt the pit of his stomach drop…his forehead and palms began to sweat as his 6’2” frame was filled with the overwhelming emotions of fear and doubt. He had never been this nervous before. Had it really been three years since he had been back to the small town he once called home in Chatham, Illinois? As he drove down the street he began to ask himself, am I stupid for coming back here? Have they even missed me? Their lives have probably been much better without me; if I come back now I will probably just disappoint or hurt them again. Driving towards the house he slowed down, eventually to a stop, as he saw Hannah running out to the mailbox. He had forgotten how beautiful his daughter was; her long blonde hair and pink flowery dress blowing in the wind. Look how big she had gotten, he thought to himself. The last time he saw her she was five. At the sight of Hannah, he forced all the negative thoughts that had been troubling him into the back of his mind. He waited until she went back into the house before he pulled into the driveway. After letting out a long sigh of both excitement and apprehension, Nicholas got out of the car and began to walk towards the front door. With each step his heart began to race faster and faster…reaching its climax as he approached the door. He stood there for a second thinking of what he would say. Would he begin with, I am so sorry forgive me, or how have you been, or maybe just state the fact that he had really missed them. Before he could finish his thought and decide what to say, he was interrupted as the front door flew open. Finally, after all of these years, he was face to face with the people he had both loved and hurt so deeply. Julie, his wife, stood there with a shocked look on her face. Before Nicholas could get any words out Hannah came charging out of the door screaming “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! I have missed you so much.” She jumped into his arms and hugged him for what seemed like a lifetime. Nicholas immediately said, “I love you Hannah. I am so happy to see you. You have gotten so big.” Hannah ecstatically grabbed Nicholas by the hand and lead him inside. Once Julie realized what was going on she gently asked Hannah, “honey, why don’t you go in your room and play so daddy and I can talk.” Hannah looked at Nick hesitantly and he reassured her that he would not be going anywhere. As Julie looked at Nicholas, she was flooded with emotions. Should she be happy that he had come back or should she be mad that he had been gone for so long? She thought the world of Nicholas. She really loved him. He was her best friend. For as long as she could remember, it was just the two of them. It did not come as a shock when they married right out of high school. A few years later, they had Hannah. They were the happiest couple anyone had ever seen, really picture perfect. They loved Jesus, loved each other and loved life…That is until Hannah was three. She got really sick. Nick and Julie were devastated when the discovered that Hannah had leukemia. It was at that moment that Nick changed. He began drinking, lost his job, and simply stated, he fell apart. He had become very angry and bitter with God. He could not understand why a God who is supposedly so “good” would allow something so awful to happen to such a precious little girl. With her husband slowly fading away, Julie had no one to cling to but Jesus. Instead of doubting him, she held fast to his promises and his word. By the time Hannah was five, she had gone into complete remission. Despite the joy of the fact that Hannah was okay, Nick had come to the conclusion that there was no God and if there was a god, he was not good. He had become so bitter that he could not stand to even hear the name of Jesus. Julie would constantly go around telling people of the way that Jesus had saved their baby girl. Nick eventually got so angry that he just left. Never to be heard from until this very day. Julie asked Nick, “Where have you been? I have not heard from you in three years. I had no idea if you were dead or alive. I had no idea where you were!” Nick stood there unsure of what to say, he put his head in his hands and slowly began to explain. He said, “There are no words to express how sorry I am. I am ashamed of the fact that I allowed my pain and anger to override my love and responsibility for you and Hannah. I could just never understand how you could love God after all that had happened…that is until one night, while I was sleeping in the streets, I had a dream. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and I saw Hannah running around and playing. She looked so healthy and happy. As she was playing she grabbed a flower and took it over to man sitting against a tree. She plopped down on his lap as if she had known him forever. She sat the flower in her lap and leaned her head against his chest…while watching this I began to approach them. As I got closer I noticed that Hannah was not as perfect as I had thought before. She had all of the same scars. The man leaned down and kissed her on her head. As I looked at him I recognized who he was. All of these years while I was doubting the healing power and existence of God, Jesus was there in the midst. He was loving on Hannah and taking care of her. I though that God was no where to be found, when in reality he was right here the whole time. When I saw that, I knew that there was a God and that he was good. Despite my weakness and doubt, Jesus was strong. He brought healing to Hannah and I know if you will forgive me and let me back into your life, He can heal us too.” He began to search her face for some kind of answer, hoping that by taking this bold step to come here, she would search her heart and find forgiveness. As much as he had hurt and disappointed her, she had really missed him. She knew him well enough to know that his words were sincere and that he was a changed man. After a brief pause, which seemed like it lasted a lifetime, she said, “At first I was so hurt and angry, but then God really began to instill within me pure love and compassion for you. I have been praying for you faithfully every day. You showing up today was so surreal; it was literally an answer to prayer that I was not expecting. I can see that God has totally changed your heart. Where there was once bitterness is now compassion. And where there was once hatred there is now passion and love. It will not be easy but I will do whatever it takes to rebuild this marriage and this family.” Nick was relieved to know that by humbling himself and admitting his faults and weaknesses to Julie, there was now room for healing and restoration. It would not be a “walk in the park,” but he knew that with the Lord they could get through anything, no matter how difficult the situations may be.

My Tea with...

It has been a while since I blogged last and I must say it feels nice to be getting back into the groove of things again.

My tea with Madame Descartes was very intriguing. I loved the authors (David St. John) use of similes and imagery; it could be seen consistently throughout the entire poem. The authors diction made the story come to life. He really painted a perfect picture of what was being discussed...for example "I noticed that the silver of her hair was laced with an astonishing gold, like those threads woven so deftly throughout a tapestry to trap the light"...as you read that you can almost envision the ladies hair and how it shone with the different colors of silver and gold. David St. John really gives you a crisp image of what the narrator is seeing.

Besides the beauty of John's usage of imagery and similes, I must admit (even though it may sound contradictory from the paragraph above), I did not fully understand the poem. I do not know if it was the way the sentences were broken up onto the different lines or if I am just not used to reading this type of writing, but I kind of got lost in the extreme intricacy of Johns writing. It is a rare thing to find people talking in such a way as this poem is written, and I feel as though because of this, it is difficult for my mind to grasp all that is being said. I personally feel as though the strengths and weaknesses of this poem are one in the same...the similes and imagery are fantastic, but at the same time my mind ends up going in a several different directions when he talks in such a way.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. David St. John is a very talented writer and does a great job of really pulling his audience into his writings. I would definitely be interested in reading some of his other writings.